There’s An App for That (But There Really Shouldn’t Be)

What a time to be living in. Flush your toilet from another country? There’s an app for that. Open and close your curtains, then turn your TV on and off to protect your home while you’re away like a futuristic Kevin McAllister? Someone’s already set up a Kickstarter.

Some would argue we’re at the pinnacle of technological advancement – after reading this list of totally pointless device and app combos, there’s a good chance you’ll concur that we’re actually standing on the edge, staring down into the abyss of stupidity.

Philips Sonicare FlexCare Platinum Connected Smart Toothbrush

Philips is looking to revolutionize the market with its new Bluetooth-enabled toothbrush. The killer feature? A smartphone app that creates a 3D model of your mouth in real-time and gives a plethora of stats including feedback on your brushing. Quite what you do with all this data – besides giving it to your dentist and therefore defeating the point entirely – is anyone’s guess. That’s without mentioning the inconvenience of finding a safe, dry, bathroom resting place for your iPhone (bowls of rice at the ready), or the $200 price tag – which is at least ten times more than any sane adult’s yearly toothbrush bill.

Enovap Smart E-Cigarette

There’s plenty of research that suggests vaping is an effective smoking cessation tool, so at first glance, a smart e-cigarette that controls the amount of nicotine and tracks your usage via an app sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately, this premium-price device suffers from exactly the same pitfall as fit-devices before it: willpower isn’t transferable over a WiFi connection!

The accompanying app also provides a tonne of customization options, all of which are available via a built-in screen on every other box mod worth its salt (and they don’t require a charged smartphone to use them either). Save your cash and stick to a traditional device from a retailer like MyFreedomSmokes instead.

Hidrate Spark Smart Water Bottle

Don’t read on. Not yet.

Answer this question first. Why would anyone need a smart water bottle with its own app?

Any guesses?

I didn’t think so.

Reading the product description for this $55 example of gross inutility doesn’t help much either. Other than glowing when you hit your hydration goals, which admittedly is kind of cute, this extravagant water vessel does nothing more than a simple smartphone app plus $2 reusable sports bottle can’t do.

Let’s all lift an overpriced smartglass to progress!